I did not suggest that people actually do secretly agree with me, but are too afraid to say it, I
               simply put that idea forward as a possibility. I am not conceited. I have seen many, many things that
               I can't explain....yet. If you took a cigarette lighter back to the time of the Salem witch hunts you
               may be burned because that simple technology is mystic and unknown to people in that knowledge
               time. I believe everything will be explained as technology one day. Who knows what beings are also
               using this planet. Just as a Human hand plunging into a fishpond would seem incredibly amazing and
               inexplicable to a fish, things that are routine for beings on a different wavelength than us seem
               strange to us when their activities are manifest in our physical existence.

               I really wonder what you gain from delving into things that may be put there to distract, entice,
               trap or deceive you by who knows who.

               I'm sorry I will not reviel myself to you. I don't believe other people who read this will be as
               accepting of my views as they obviously are of yours. I will understand if you wish this long
               discussion to end.
Kristal_Rose replies to anonymous
               Thank you whole heartedly for your response.
               I completely agree with everything you just wrote.
               The only way to become an angel is to rise above the demons you meet upon the way. ..and believe
               me I do. When I meet them, they often show their might with earthquakes and power outages and
               such. Identify with nothing but God. or else, yes, this is insanely stupid stuff to mess with. My
               challenges, like anyone elses, are just within my ability to meet them. The deceit is the hardest part
               to deal with. Knowledge, channelling, philosophy, even varied theosophies will not help you. The
               answer always lies in following your heart. Power is merely an intrigue (or as you say, a distraction)
               or a responsibility. I am a new age minister, but that certainly includes a belief in most of what the
               bible had to say. I consider it to be the writing of people who talk to God as I do. It was a document
               of it's time. For instance, it preached against profiting, particularly in lending; two millenia later we
               are stuck with a gentrified society I am trying to reverse by various means, lately by participating
               in the drafting of los angeles social engineering plans in housing, transit, and water & power. Even
               Jesus confronted demons, their strength matches that which God grants me. There are so many
               things to protect so many people from through various planes of involvement.
               I know I bring about the sensational more than the humble, but I have my motives; Primarily as a
               carrot to intrigue others to become seekers.
               I'm enjoying this conversation. You're not obligated one way or another. If you find it tiring or
               unfruitful, then of course you should bid adieu.
               Love Kristal.
anonymous #6 replies to Kristal_Rose
               I enjoy talking with you, but I was concerned about the amount of space we are taking up, and we
               seem to have left the subject of zodiac long ago!  I will end in telling you that I have had some
               experiences with going out of body, admittedly for a bad purpose, and I will not go into detail about
               what I went through, but it was enough to scare me away from anything like that again. I have
               always had strange things happen to me. I constantly turn my head to find someone staring at me, as
               if by reflex. Often the person in behind me and I have to physically turn around. I often have those
               yellow/red streetlights go out as I drive or walk under them, only to come on once I have passed.
               Once I was looking through a telescope and a streetlight about 5km away went out as I stared at it.
               Those things are only silly games. I have seen a terrible side of reality during a time of deep angst.
               I don't want to go into that because it needs to lie now. I must tell you that I am scared of thinking
               about some of the things that have happened to me while I innocently dabbled in what I thought
               were legitimate experiments. There are forces that are only waiting for an invitation, and they will
               be with you immediately. I have learnt to live in the physical, because the ease with which I am able
               to interact with other realities frightens me. I am full of anger. I think you could probably guess
               who I am if you take that fact into consideration. Not that I want to play a game with you, but for
               me, anger has become a shield against those things that seek to destroy me, and that anger has
               found it's way into my general behavior. I have just read what I wrote and I sound crazy. I am not.
               I am acutely aware of more than is obvious to most people. I wish I wasn't. I know that this life is
               not the end. That saddens me.
Kristal_Rose replies to anonymous 1.04.11
               Thank you for your concern, butI wouldn't worry about the space; Our conversation may interest
               others and their are few more suitable surveys for it.
               Did your body experience electrical vibration? That would indicate you were actually going out of
               body vs. remote viewing. Both I suppose fall under astral projection. The former IS far more
               dangerous, and more inclined to abuse. I do it only for counselling and educational reasons. No
               affectation, No personal motive. My largest abuse has been making appearances to affect
               someone's belief. It's exciting to have the power, but the usual outcome is misery. I end up
               experiencing anothers style of consciousness for a week, living in it too understand it. So far, every
               consciousness I've undertaken understanding has a sorrowfully unblessed understanding of life.
               It's served me to understand motives and behavior and have more compassion. Particular neighbors
               of mine take out my appliances as they pass my door. In my inner-eye, I've seen them as black-hole
               sentinels with flame coronas. I might take an occasional sattelite off-line for safety purposes, but
               otherwise my power is creative. There are positive sides to the stuff you've been messing with.
               Align your heart first. Anger is a clear sign your supernatural forces are on the dark side (and will
               most likely consume you). Much more delightful is to have all your lights turn green. You are not
               crazy at all. You might feel isolated. At first, I spent three years with no one understanding this
               stuff; as the years progressed, the majority of people I run into are lightly familiar with similar
               things. Spend your energy loving and protecting others, and the karma will return to you. You will
               find yourself in a world where the only caution required is when you invite challenges.
               Why would you be saddened moving on? I look forward to becoming a nebula dancing in the zodiac
               or something. But I also know that it's the heart that counts. Smell the roses while you can.
Kristal_Rose replies to anonymous 1.4.11
               p.s. Your experiences seem to primarily be what is called occult, not mystic. Mystic means entering
               a higher plane, occult means taking higher forces into lower planes. It's almost a comparison of
               power vs. knowledge/wisdom. I spent 9 years of mysticism before adding the last 4 of occultism.
               Both have their pitfalls.
anonymous #7 replies to Kristal_Rose
             I have done things that make me very apprehensive about moving to the next stage. I
             really wish that I could be removed from existence, but I have a knowledge that my
             future will not be that easy. Everything must be paid for eventually.
Kristal_Rose replies to anonymous 1.04.20
             I used to believe that a few years ago. The main thing holding you back from anything is
             fear. Since Easter I seemed to have graduated to yet another level, and am still
             adjusting. I was playing guitar, and realised that the only reason I was playing clumsy
             searching for notes was that I was uncomfortable playing as if I've done it for lifetimes.
             I go back and forth now. Tonight was kind of freaky. I'd walk into the kitchen forgetting
             why I walked in, then the stove lit for my coffee water. I was doing laundry (woops
             there's the dryer timer) and realised that I would have to go back up and add something,
             I looked in the washer again and it appeared. I'm used to having anything I want to occur
             within the laws of newtonian physics and a some other occult physics, but now I seem to
             just dream anything into being instantly. On Easter God said 'Whatever you wan't'. I'm
             afraid to even think about it because I now I'll go absolutely delirious with laughter and
             tears.
             So what sort of payment are you worried about? Admittedly, I've been to hells as many
             times as heavens. The only real cost I've seen is not being able to believe in limitations and
             separation from God. Everytime I go up a level I think surely I must have died and left
             reality.
             So, back to you. When I was suicidal it was because everything had become God and/or I.
             All the people I loved, I could no longer believe in because they followed whatever script i
             wrote, and yet all my darkest thoughts manifested as well as my sweet dreams. I was
             scared to think because, for instance I'd wish tragedy upon my step-dad's brand new car
             just for the blink of an eye, try to erase the thought, and yet the next morning a cement
             truck careened out of control and rolled over his car, almost totally it. Luckily he didn't
             get a scratch. It smashed the hood, bounced over the windshield, then crushed the trunk.
             Back when I way depressed, I decided that I would denounce God and go back to my
             former reality, an hour later I was almost at the epicenter of an earthquake in Santa
             Cruz, CA that leveled a third of the classic buildings downtown. So how would you describe
             your current level and what are you expecting of the next? Better yet, what do you want
             the next level to look like? I find the costs are the ones I bring upon myself, though that
             doesn't make them any easier. It's a real drag to feel powerless over your own thoughts.
anonymous #8 replies to Kristal_Rose
              I am at a stage of confusion and stagnation. There is a part of me that I hate, and I know God
              also hates, yet I cannot help the way I was born. God made me this way for a reason. I
              sometimes think I was made this way, then told I should deny this part of myself because I
              was being tested. I look at other peoples lives, and they seem so easy compared to mine. I
              have contemplated embracing that part of myself that I despise but that is impossible. I
              could not handle the repercussions within my family and work. I have limited my association
              with friends to a few people. I feel trapped by my beliefs, what I know to be true, and my
              situation. I want to die, but I am afraid of the consequences of that decision. I hate myself,
              yet I cannot allow myself to show this. I want to confront God and ask him why he did this to
              me. I am growing increasingly angry at God, and even question the existence of a God who
              would make me this way, then command me to deny a part of myself. I think I have reached a
              plateau. I am not in the depths of despair that I once was, yet I feel as if I simply exist, with
              absolutly no promise of a better future here, or after death. I don't want to bum you out but
              that's where I find myself. Wow...that was cathartic. I wish I believed in something lighter. I
              feel as if the darkness has me forever.
Kristal_Rose replies to anonymous 1.04.21
              Wow, OK, I asked for some work tonight. I'm not bummed out in the slightest. You didn't ask
              to unload difficulties on me, I asked you to unload them on me. I seem to recall a period early
              in my awakening where I said the same things, yet I can't now even recall now what the big
              deal was. If it really was something I had to get rid of, either I did, or no longer had to (that
              was true of many things). Ah, I recall one now.. I had to go celibate. I don't have to now, in
              fact I could probably go on a sexual frenzy if I wanted to, but the situation has changed, I
              am no longer driven or controllable by such desires, because I can take or leave such things in
              the blink of an eye. It's like appreciate it, but don't let it absence create a void, need it, and
              be ready to drop it, like the old love without attachment clause, or unconditional love / agape
              as christians might call it. After reaching a point where I had pretty much renounced desire
              entirely, I found the world would entropy in on itself, till nothing but the creative source
              considering having a creation existed. I found that some desire was a necessary driving force
              of existence. Without it I had nothing manifest, and no motive to participate in the play. Now I
              make my desires high ones I can feel good about like changing society or the nature of reality.
              It turned out I'm fairly sure that my own conception that I had to sacrifice things was
              manifesting back to me creating a punishing god that forced me into more and more stringent
              disciplines that were quite painful, like forsaking my friends to see only spirit. I thought I had
              to do all this. It was so much pressure that I couldn't handle the demands and wanted to kill
              myself, since I had basically polluted my old realm with conceptions of it being bad even if I
              could believe in it enough to return. Eventually my load was lifted when I had a room mate
              offer much advice. He said 1) You are free to to take the lessons in your own sweet time. 2)
              There are many dead ends, cul de sacs, and side trips (ultimately they all are) on the spiritual
              path. Just because it's spiritual doesn't make it the right path. For instance I was stuck in
              Deja-vous, where I could trace every thought/experience to a prior one, and it was
              congesting my reality, leaving me with the sensation of no new experience. This concept
              opened the door to me, ..that my path and relationship with god was negotiable. Eventually, in
              my case, that led to a sort of time sharing agreement, where at times I was detachedly
              writing the play, and learning spiritual stuff on a spiritual level, and at other times I was
              allowed to experience and appreciate the play, ignorant that I had written it, and allowing
              myself to believe in it much like I had before my awakening. The main point is the path is
              negotiable. Everyones path is different and subject to change as their wisdom increases.
              When I was at your stage of darkness, I had no one I could talk to at the ground level. It
              wasn't until three years into my isolated awakening after I surrendered the need to have
              other people i could share my experiences with at this ground level of reality, that to my
              delight I was constantly met by other people with which I could. My increase in
              self-empowerment has been matched with equal proportions of increased adaptability. I still
              don't always know good from evil. God let's me believe some things for awhile just to let me
              learn on my own, much as I would rather play it safe and just be told in advance. For that
              matter, I am no longer quick to pass judgement on other beliefs. I am encouraged to try them
              out and usually find that they are merely different paradigms through which people are in
              fact doing their best as they see it from their understanding of it. Each of these contibutes
              to my seeing the big picture, and increases my compassion and acceptance. One of my most
              steps up to a higher level was when I attended an eight year family reunion of all my irish
              shepharder relatives. I had just come out as a woman two months earlier. One of my cousins
              did a makeover for me the day before we all met at the ranch. I had accepted myself as this,
              and to what would have been my surprise in an ealier state, I was totally loved and accepted
              by all my relatives. During the makeover, I felt my heart gush open like a waterfall from a
              diamond. I spent the entire reunion with no personal needs because my heart was full. I spent
              my time working in the kitchen, counselling with love but no attachment, which allowed be to
              speak truly with no other motive but love, and my senses were all incredibly alive. The air was
              fragranced by blossoming apple trees, etc. I didn't have to worry about any decisions; the
              best option would always be offered to me.. get a ride with this cousin, go play volleyball, lend
              me a hand. I did come down a bit from there when I clouded my mind afterwards with
              business decisions and such. Before that trip I was alone in my apartment. Afterwards, I left
              my door wide open and the building started filling with all the sorts of people I love to spend
              time with. God reminds me, when I talk to people like you, that I'm about to kill someone, it
              remind's me a lot of a quote from my guru.. "We fly to the light like a moth to a lightbulb,
              even though we know it's going to kill us". When it does, I am delighted to tears. People tend
              to make 180 and replace all their light with darkness. Some of my concentrations, I have to
              use all sort of psychic tricks and psychological manipulations with. I'm not doing any of that
              with you, just sharing my experience. As I see it, you've probably undergone the worst and
              made the commitment already. I don't even necessarily know what needs to happen for you;
              I've just seen a lot of pitfalls and things that work. I do think pretty truthfully, that it's
              going to go a lot lighter for you from here on up. It's sort of implied by the things you say.
              Particularly your recognition that it could get lighter. I know for starters that I have a sunny
              day when I decide to be sunny. When I sing in the shower, the sun comes out. When I wake up
              in the morning in that crack between the formation of worlds, and have enough awareness
              that I am about to create a drab world, I reprogram my world to wake me up a few minutes
              later with a swarm of singing birds. In a couple years you will probably look back on this
              period as if you were possessed by personal demons, even if you see it solely as a covenant
              between you and God, which it is. It was my goal to be fully enlightened by age 40 (I've ot
              two more years), on the way I had intermediate goals of becoming a saint, and when i realised
              that in some ways I had done that, I set my goals on angel. I'm still a person through all this,
              subject to all sorts of personal quirks and many mistakes. I don't know what you feel your
              personal deficits that you curse for having to overcome are. My main one was that I was
              practically born with incestuous fantasies. Eventually I came to understand that the motives
              themselves were pure abstract archetypes, and that it was only the romanticisation of
              experiencing being one with my feminine nature that I was seeking. Still I was tested. By the
              6th grade, I had envisioned a perfect daughter to marry. Eventually she came into being
              exactly as I imagined, even having the red hair that came out of nowhere. She was born at an
              angelic level that took me decades to reach. It tormented me, but I always did the right
              thing. I had to constantly police myself not to even raise her with psychic or psychological
              manipulations motivated by self interest. It was only a romantic, not a sexual fantasy, but
              even then, it took much effort to overcome. Sure, I could go into higher states where I
              wouldn't even think of such stuff, but I find that the lower levels of reality never leave us
              entirely, and that all the lessons need to be absorbed to purify every level of thought and
              activity. I suspect that your difficulties are not as horrendously disproportional or unfair as
              you imagine, and that lightness of others you perceive has not necessarily been so freely
              graced upon them, but perhaps. I know my children intimately. My son has always had a
              troublesome outlook reminiscent of Stephen King and Candide, while I practically envied how
              my daughter was showered with bubbling mirth and grace to an extant that I have still not
              experienced in the same fashion. They are still in their teens and are both aware of several
              planes of reality. Read the autobiographies of Saints, you will indeed find that most of them
              experienced great hells along the way. But better yet, know that there were light answers,
              be those light answers, and let that come back to you as lessons you attract, otherwise your
              darkness will manifest as reading only of their hardships, and further discourage you. You are
              piloting your ship. Accepting this and making light come forth are up to you. It's all God, for
              God, by God. That includes you and all your angels and demons. That name the animals and sit
              by right side part were written for you. ..as if you simply exist. I get the idea you have done
              most of the humility work and made an enemy of your prior desires. If that is the case, then
              the next steps will probably be co-recreating your world, and lightly taking satisfaction in
              worldly and spiritual things, especially giving, without the type of driving force or conception
              of things. So many times times in my life I thought that a semi-physical reality could have
              nothing more to experience, and then an unexpected realm would come about. I don't get
              jaded anymore, and take for granted that there will be infinite planes and worlds to
              experience. As I see it, I am the eyes of God as are you. Perhaps, being made of the almighty,
              I will be absorbed by the almighty, and will lose this personal vantage point. If so, that's the
              plan. As it is now, I am creating so much, but God has to remind from time to time not to
              confuse that with owning or being all of God. You wish to be anonymous, and I gave up on
              bothering to determine who you are. In light of this, feel free to express more. I can say this
              much for sure, don't concern yourself to heavily with afterlives. God has infinite capacity to
              create heavens and hells and worlds and dimensions of infinite quantity, scope, and intensity,
              but those will come in due time whethar you plan on it or not. Likewise there are infinite things
              that can happen on the mostly physical plane, and that's where you are now. Make the best of
              it. Instead of making this mind god created within you, your enemy, a curse that god gave you
              to overcome, make it your friend, it did come from god for your own being after all. It's a
              gift you should learn to value and respect. It is the tool through which you will make all the
              worlds of light happen. There were so many times I asked God to take away my mind and
              replace me with the mind of god, it was one of the main motivations of my suicidal period in
              fact. But it never happened. It only made things worse. God said why are you trying to kill me,
              and made my life a hell for it. I hope you are able to glean some wisdom from my own trials
              and tribulations. I think I've pretty much said all I can offer without knowing the specifics of
              your situation.
 
Kristal_Rose replies to anonymous 
Finally.
I always wanted to be a woman, but figured it would have to wait for another lifetime or something.
I became a monk or yogi, or whatever you might want to call it. After about three years straight of
talking to God, in which I was way to busy learning about planes of consciousness to concern myself
over personal issues, I found when integrating my life back, that I was welcome to do such things
(and did). I am basically the den mother for the children in my building. I gave them a blackboard I
had painted quite fancy today and colored chalk. I'm saving up to get them all harmonicas since they
seem to have an aptitude in the piano lessons I've given them. I am family with any stranger I meet,
even if I have to imbue them them with a hair of consciousness first sometimes. God made my life a
hell when I tried to end it, and seriously made it a heaven on Earth when I accepted myself. 2
months after I made my gender change I attended an 8 year family reunion on our families ranch.
They are mostly Christadelphians with really strict religious sentiments. My cousin had her
cosmetologist friend give me a complete 'easter picnic' style makeover. Everyone treated me with
absolute reverence, as I did for them, and I worked in the kitchen or played volleyball with the
feeling that my heart was a waterfall flowing from a diamond. For a week, every apple tree scent,
star sparkle, and smile was majestically alive. Likewise, a couple months earlier, my mom was quite
opposed to my change and we'd get into constant arguements over various subjects. Strangely, she
became one of my closest friends right after I made the change. If your not hurting anyone, and
could be happier, why deny how god made you. I had to go through all sorts of tests myself, but
they were all about following god even when all the other people and teachings I was aware of at
the time denied the reality I had entered, as I had to temporarily deny the world I had shared with
them. The bible had very practical advice. It was written by people in direct communication with
God, as we are all free to do. But it was written for the time. Society makes it difficult to follow
most of the practical guidelines established then. God also has a funny way of subjecting people to
what they think the rules of reality are. Get yourself in a state in which you are neither passing any
judgement upon yourself, nor presuming there are any prexisting mandates on what god want's for
you, then talk to god with a heart open in the interests of the warmest, most fulfilling and giving life
you could have, and ask what you should be doing. If you aren't on talking terms, then get in that
state, and judge for yourself what feels best. The golden rule is the only one I've found to always
be true. God works in many mysterious ways. Don't presume his divine plan for you to be so
stringent and limited.
You can have some sort of loving family. The city of San Francisco just approved $50,000 for it's
employess to get medical coverage of sex changes. If you want to be straight, be straight, it
doesn't sound like you want to though. If you do cross-over though, I warn you that the dark side is
really the manifestation of your fears. People will subject you to the same judgement you give
yourself. If you can love yourself and others, you will live in grace. It will not be a battle of
opposition, but a surrender to love that will make your life work. Unfortunately, though it could, I
don't see that easilly coming true for you. I don't think you can readily accept making such a change
in how you perceive yourself or the rest of god's people, and are probably doomed to have a
miserable few years ahead whichever direction you go. I do think that you'll be happier in a few
years if you cross over, even though I also suspect you'll find after you have some freedom, that
you weren't quite as gay as you thought you were. I think you will be a much better person after the
self-inquiry though. I also suspect that this decision will put your family goals on hold for nearly a
few more years too. If you have it in you, I would save yourself a few years by making an excercise
of envisioning a few years of all the different explorations you might go through to arrive at a well
adjusted gay life that harmonizes with the world you'd find, then, with that experience virtually
lived, go into whatever your ultimate relationship would be, with all that wisdom gained. You'll have a
much more satisfying relationship knowing you considered all the options and chose your favorite
story.

Kristal_Rose replies to anonymous 
btw, I was expecting you last night instead. I had already forgotten by the time I saw I your
comment here. (and I still don't know who you are, I just knew what my writing assignment was).

dabprovin 
Very interesting 
......September 6th 
....I'm a VIRGO /DRAGON 
Libra rising .............Moon in Pisces
LEO in Mercury...........Virgo in Venus
Sagittarius in Mars.......Taurus in Jupiter
Libra in Saturn...........Cancer in Uranus
Libra in Neptune..........Leo in Pluto

Kristal_Rose replies to dabprovin 
The planets travel through the zodiac (& houses in your personal chart), not the other way around.
Unless you don't agree with Copernicus. I believe I'm a Rabbit.

dabprovin replies to Kristal_Rose 
Yep,you were born in the Chinese calendar year of the Rabbit.Their such gentle natured,peace
loving & tranquil creatures.Which probably is good in your case being born on the cusp of
Pisces/Aries.Although your born on the cusp it's apparent to me,that you most likely gravitate
towards your Pisces tendencies...You know,seeing as how you've shown an abundance of sensitivity &
strong creative talents. Both in good measure.Not only that but,you posses a strong innate ability to
pick up on moods & vibrations instinctively...Ooooh,so that's the reason why,you march to a different
drummer.I do too.Different is ALWAYS more interesting than hum drum,don't you agrere?...Yes
the planets do travel through those particular zodiac signs.You caught that huh?Just wanted to see
who was really paying attention.Of course,it was you Kristal.Do you see how many Libras I have in
my chart?That should explain my space cadet mentality at times.If it weren't for my other
characteristics keeping me in check,I would really be a mess.

Kristal_Rose replies to dabprovin 
If it weren't for my Aries nature though, I wouldn't directly take on projects with or address leaders of large companies or government agencies. My sun sign suggests what I do. My moon sign suggests the inner nature behind those actions. Back when the most sophisticated graphics software was drafting software connected to a plotter, I was writing software to draw natal charts. I used to have a sizable library of authors like Hone, Blavatsky, Goodman, Leo, etc. I have since forgotten much of that stuff, preferring things more in the moment like the tarot, angelic language, channelling, or directly 'downloading' whatever I wish to learn. I got into describing varieties of space cadet in the "What is your element" survey. Yours of course was the air variety, mine is water.

As warm as it is playing "birds of a feathar" with you, perhaps I am distracting you from circulating with others who might have more to gain from your experiences and sensitivity (it takes one to know one). I wish you were an available bachlorette in my neighborhood. It pains me to say this, but my primary purpose at SC is work. It's people like like you which make it a delight along the way. I've enjoyed and learned from your every comment. But then, I suppose I'm the one driven to distraction.